Current Obsession

How come it feels like it's meant to be // Every time I fall in love?

Elsewhere: A really good first date. A not so good one. And some puppies.

Paris In Film

- Paris, March 2015

Ellipses: The Tinder Stalk

For the sake of documentation, I’m going to talk about a first date I had this time last year. Because not all first dates are bad first dates. And this one was actually pretty spectacular. It involved Tinder – of course – but, this time, we weren’t the ones on a Tinder date - Sam was.

And we were following her.

Read the rest of the story on Ellipses

Recently Reading

Girl, Interrupted - Susanna Kaysen. Set in 1967, Girl, Interrupted is the memoir of Susanna Kaysen, an eighteen year old sent to a psychiatric facility to be treated for depression. Although not a particularly huge fan of the film that resulted from this autobiography, I found myself drawn to the story when I discovered it had originally been a book and, when I found it in a Brixton charity shop for £1.99, didn't hesitate to buy it. Insightful, interesting and, sometimes, uncomfortably close to home, Girl, Interrupted explores what it is to be 'crazy,' and what it is to try and break free of that stigma. If you're not yet convinced, this passage from the very first page should sway you: "It is easy to slip into a parallel universe. There are so many of them: worlds of the insane, the criminal, the crippled, the dying, perhaps of the dead as well. These worlds exist alongside this world and resemble it, but are not in it. My roommate Georgina came in swiftly and totally, during her junior year at Vassar. She was in a theater watching a movie when a tidal wave of blackness broke over her head. She knew she had gone crazy. She looked around the theater to see if it had happened to everyone, but all the other people were engrossed in the movie. She rushed out, because the darkness in the theater was too much when combined with the darkness in her head. And after that? I asked her. A lot of darkness, she said." It's honestly one of the best things I've ever read. I can't recommend it enough.

Not That Kind of Girl – Lena Dunham. I’m a big fan of all things Lena Dunham – Girls, Tiny Furniture, most of the nonsense she comes out with in interviews – and this book was no exception. Having received it as a gift from my Mum this Christmas (following a subtle text containing an image of said book, and the words ‘please buy me this’) I proceeded to spend the majority of my break reading up on Lena’s weird and wonderful adventures, many of which did something for me that many other reading materials have failed to do – they made me feel like it was OK to be a bit out of sync. Covering sex, work, relationships and everything inbetween, Dunham’s memoir is a work of art, and a must read for any young woman on the fast track to ‘what the hell is this life I’m living?’ My favourite chapter? ‘Platonic Bed Sharing: A Great Idea (For People Who Hate Themselves)’ – because who hasn’t indulged in a sexless snuggle with someone inappropriate?

The Cuckoo’s Calling – Robert Galbraith. It took me a long time to come around to reading this particular book, due to a burning fury directed at JKR for being so utterly un-feminist, and penning a story under a man’s name. Despite internal protests, when I actually gave this book a chance, I found it quite enjoyable. Following the adventures of a disgruntled detective and his far-too-eager assistant, The Cuckoo’s Calling is a murder mystery with an unpredictable ending. And despite a passage alluding to the aforementioned assistant receiving a call on the London underground (which is impossible, and so irritated me hugely) I enjoyed the story, and would recommend it to anyone looking for an easy read. Whilst not the best-written piece of literature out there, The Cuckoo’s Calling had it’s shining moments, as illustrated in a quote that stood out to me. Paraphrasing slightly: “Seven and a half million hearts were beating in close proximity, and many aching far worse than his" - I thought that was kind of beautiful.


Reading next: Misfit. Trainspotting. A Streetcar Named Desire.

Do you have any recommendations?

Alexa Chung on Heartbreak

"The problem with heartbreak is that nobody can help you when you're heartbroken. Nobody and nothing. Not the films you watch alone desperately searching for a character who feels the way you do, not the glasses or bottles of whiskey you keep by your bed and certainly not Instagram. Instagram will not mend your broken heart, despite your best efforts to post pictures of yourself looking 'happy.' Every time you post a picture of yourself to Instagram looking fake happy a fairy dies. Fact. Also, scrolling through photos of girls your ex may or may not be shagging won't help you. You need to remind yourself that the right filter can be fantastically flattering and she probably doesn't look that good in real life.

"Sometimes when I need answers I like to take my questions to Google. I googled 'how long does heartbreak last?' The result more popular than that was 'how long does heartburn last?' This implies people suffer from heartburn more than they do heartbreak which is a good thing because heartbreak sucks way fucking more than acid reflux ever could. Weirdly though a broken heart does physically hurt. It feels heavy, like someone is sitting on your chest. Sometimes you wake up with pins and needles in your right arm. I met a girl who told me that an acupuncturist told her that if this happens you have a broken heart. The irony of a pin and needle therapist being an expert on needles and pins is fantastic. And that's the other thing it'll do to you. Heartbreak will force you to strike up conversation with anyone who will listen and who might be able to tell you it's going to be OK.

"There are upsides to despair. You can wear a blanket instead of a coat and your friends won't judge you. You can smoke indoors because no-one will have the heart to tell an inconsolable girl that a smoking ban has been in place for eight years. And you find out that people are very nice and that they care about you even if the person you care about most doesn't. When somebody makes you laugh when you're sad, that's the most enjoyable laugh you'll ever experience. On a positive day during an outdoor and legal cigarette break I told a friend that I was fine and trotted out the line 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' To which she replied, deadpan, 'that's not true, that which doesn't kill you makes you wanna die.'

"The nicest thing I heard during the worst time in my life was this: 'you have to suffer heartbreak so you know what to tell your daughter when she has her heart broken.' I'm Alexa Chung and one day I'm going to have a daughter and I'm going to know what to say to her. I'm going to say:

"'Nobody goes through life without having their heart broken and one day you'll wake up and it'll be OK.'

"I can't fucking wait for that day to come."

- Alexa Chung, It